Tears and thoughts

Last weekend I lost somebody very dear to my heart. She has been ill for a long time and probably she’s better off now, but nevertheless her departure has left a deep sorrow with me and I have shed loads of tears in the last couple of days…

On my way to an improved mental health, all the readings and studies I have done have taught me that my reaction to this event is entirely up to me.

But how do I direct my reaction, when all I feel is a big hole in my heart?! Should I try and redirect my reaction and bend it to a more positive approach? I guess grief is a stadium you will need to go through and it has its role to play in the loss of someone dear. Why were we otherwise created with the faculty to cry? A good cry makes me feel like I was run over by a truck but after some rest it provides relief too.

What if I welcome the sorrow and sadness I feel? A bit like in the song by Simon and Garfunkel: “Hello, darkness, my old friend. I’ve to talk with you again…” what a beautiful song that is by the way… now I am getting tears in my eyes…

Or what if I write about how I feel? That is also one of the recommended coping mechanisms in my studies and has proven to be a big help for me in the past…

What if I tell myself it is ok to grieve and it is also ok to give myself some time to re-live my memories with her? What are old photo albums for otherwise?

What if I just give myself enough credit so I can believe that I can handle this in the best possible way and that I will get to the other side of this in one piece? What if I tell myself I am resilient enough to balance my grief with the requests our daily life presents to us?

We are all here for the time granted to us. Transiency is all around us. Everything has a beginning and an end and like we all know, we’re just a grain of sand in an infinite beach… all we are is dust in the wind (another beautiful song).

What if we were able to live this transiency in a serene way? For every loss a child is born…

For the moment I’ll just wallow and try to get lost in my creative world, listen to music and try to cope. I’ll welcome my tears and leave it to time to help me heal.

My dear old lady, I miss you so much ❤️.
Dec 1, 2021