Perfectionism

Have you ever been asked the question to talk about your qualities and points of improvement during a job interview? It puts you quite on the spot, especially when you are forced to talk about your less favourable characteristics. However, when I was asked that question, after some thought, I would mention characteristics that could be interpreted as both positive and negative in order to answer in a balanced and satisfactory way.

Generally, I would mention my perfectionism. It indicates a thorough way of working, a tendency to double check analysis made, strong analytical skills and a strong sense of self critique. It is a characteristic therefore that has both positive and negative side effects as it may slow down the person in question while trying to perfect the work to be performed.

A new perspective of perfectionism was presented to me while I was listening to one of my favourite non-pottery podcasts. The podcast is called “How to fail with Elizabeth Day” and I can warmly recommend it to anyone interested.

During the episode of the podcast in question, the author, Elizabeth Day, interviews Brené Brown, a professor, lecturer and author, who is known for her research on shame, vulnerability and leadership and related characteristics to those subjects.

According to what she says, perfectionism is a barrier to success. This statement made me stop in my tracks and think before I came to the conclusion that actually her analysis makes perfect sense!

According to Brown’s point of view, perfectionism is a thought process and a behaviour process, aiming at minimising shame, failure, judgement and blame. Perfectionism is thus a defence mechanism.

Perfectionists like me think that being perfect keeps us safe from judgement, or being scrutinised or hurt, but what it actually does is that it prevents us from being seen. It does not allow us to stand out of the crowd, and instead blends us in with the rest of the pack.

She goes further into saying that perfectionism is all about what other people might think about us and it is by no means telling anything about ourselves intrinsically.

A natural tendency amongst us people is that we compare ourselves to the people around us. This can have huge benefits in case we use this to improve ourselves. It is what Brown refers to as healthy striving or striving for excellence which is an internal process.

On the other side of that same medal, however, there is perfectionism which is an external defence mechanism as previously mentioned. It is about what other people might think about us, making it all about perception. Perception as we know, is impossible to control as we cannot determine how people see us.

While striving for excellence is thus a positive thing as it aims to improving, perfectionism doesn’t serve any intrinsic positive value as it won’t help us feel any better nor will it allow us to shine.

My conclusion is therefore that perfectionism is truly a negative characteristic, especially for myself. I therefore need to learn to let my perfectionism go in order to feel more at ease with myself. I need to learn to embrace the perfection of perfect imperfection.

Ah yeah, about that job interview… yes, I got that job anyway!