Are you assertive? What is assertiveness exactly? Oxford dictionary defines it as “confident and forceful behaviour”.

When you look at the importance of being assertive, you’ll find that indicates the ability to express opinions, thoughts, and feelings clearly in a non-confrontational way. Assertiveness is the ability to respect and exert our own rights without denying the rights and personal boundaries of others. An assertive person has near-complete control over his life and he would not let aggressive people take advantage of him or her.

I take from the previous text that it is all about boundaries. Healthy boundaries, where each individual is granted his or her space to move, to relax, to express her- or himself, shortly, boundaries that allow people to be. Moreover, it implies the absence of aggressive behaviour, also from person defending his or her boundaries, which implies in my eyes that the person does not feel attacked or stressed by defending his/her boundaries.

I am not good in boundaries… especially my own are crossed continuously. I guess it is also a consequence of me being a woman and therefore my nature prioritises other beings, especially my children, before myself.

However, it goes further than that. Being a people pleaser, I tend to agree to things or even proactively propose things that make me repent at a later time. It is great to help people out or try not to rely on other people in order not to disturb, but the stress that such impositions create in me, sometimes is excessive. The stress also often translates in me feeling driven into a corner emotionally, which generates an uncontrolled emotional reaction… yes that’s totally me…

Boundaries and balance: two concepts easy to explain, yet so difficult to implement in my daily life… sigh!

As previously mentioned, with regard to being in control, I could do with some improvements…

I get that control objectively is a quite difficult concept currently with the last couple of global events that taught us that we are far from being in control. However, I read this in a way that assertive people are able to control their feelings and reactions better than non-assertive people who typically have blurred boundaries and unclear references in relation to their position towards others and their place in the world. From this I deduct that gaining control again is a question of internal training and awareness. Clear boundaries and a solid balance allows you to control feelings of guilt or tempers exaggerated sense of responsibility allowing to feel less stress in case we need to keep to ourselves and keep out of additional commitments and tasks.

What about you? Do you have any suggestions on how to respect your boundaries and making sure others respect them as well?

For me the reflections and learning process continue.